Four ways to develop REAL resilience as a leader
Do you know what really grinds my gears in corporate land (including the NHS where I worked for decades)? Resilience. Now, I’m all for personal development, I love it and it’s a massive part of my work. However, I don’t like it when it’s used as a cover for not tackling the true problem. So, this blog will be part rant, part call to arms and part practical tips that have helped me and my clients. Ready? Here are four ways to develop REAL resilience as a leader.
The problem with resilience
Resilience is all about being able to bounce back after a setback. And it’s a great skill to have: from grazing your knee in the playground as a five year old, to not getting the promotion as a 32 year old, or navigating divorce as a 46 year old. Life contains all the chocolates (remember Forest Gump?), and sooner or later you’ll get the coffee cream (or toffee penny, or whatever).
So far, so good.
Here’s where it gets all twisted though. When people are put under unacceptable levels of pressure and offered ‘resilience training’ to help them cope with it. That resilience training might be brilliant (as I say, I’m all for cultivating skills). But it’s also squarely putting the responsibility for dealing with the issue on the shoulders of the individual. When, in truth, it goes far deeper than that.
Most resilience issues won’t be solved by training. They need to be dealt with by honest conversations and culture change.
Let’s get REAL
The trouble is, even as leaders in the corporate space, your influence is not all-encompassing. You’re not going to uproot the toxicity of performance culture on your own. But, there are things you can do, both for yourself, and to help those you work with. This is where we get REAL.
Reflection
If you’ve had a setback, the first thing to do is nothing. For real.
If you’ve had criticism, or feel under unbelievable stress, of course you want things to change. You want to address the criticism (whether you agree with it or not), or the causes of stress. And, most likely, you pride yourself on being an action-taker, and making things happen.
However. First of all you need to reflect. Ask yourself:
What emotions am I feeling right now?
Why?
What is my part in this?
Who else or what else is involved in this?
Do this first. It will do two main things: give you time to look at the issue from a calmer perspective. And help you make sense of what’s going on.
Energy
Next, explore your energy levels. How equipped do you feel to address this right now? Addressing it might look like:
Taking on board valid criticism and adapting accordingly - which you might need a mentor for
Addressing criticism you don’t understand or agree with - which you might need an advocate or sounding board for
Raising systemic issues with people of influence - which you might need support for.
Just in case you needed permission: it is fine to not solve the world, or become the very best version of yourself overnight! Sometimes things (like tea or whisky!) are better for sitting for a while, until you’re in the right place to deal with them. Perhaps there’s more reflection and research you can add to the brew before you act.
Just check-in with yourself that you’re not avoiding the issue just because it’s difficult. The truth is, it will need to be dealt with at some point.
Action
So, what will you do? Either now, or when you’re ready? This might be about your own personal behaviours, or it might be about airing an issue that’s wider than you. For example, if it’s about you particularly you might:
Work through your implicit biases
Change your habits
Set boundaries so you can focus on important projects
Seek counselling, therapy, mentoring or coaching if needed.
If it’s about a wider issue you might:
Prepare for a difficult conversation with your manager/team/peer
Research how wide this issue goes to inform your argument
Look into your organisation’s current policies
Seek out allies or mentors who can help you
Of course, all of these actions will be specific to your situation. What’s important for all of them is to start with the end in mind (thanks Stephen Covey (7 habits of highly effective people if you’re not familiar) and break it down into manageable steps.
Love
Where do I get off, talking about love on a business blog?! Well, businesses are run by people (and AI too, I know!). And I truly believe, actually, I know that if we operated from a place of love more, we’d have more productive, happier, healthier workplaces and societies.
I’m talking here about granting ourselves grace. Love yourself first. If you’ve been in a toxic workplace, or a role that’s a bad fit, it’s likely your self-regard is on the floor and your self-doubt is ruling the show. Take this as an opportunity for a reset.
Congratulate yourself for doing the work to recognise where things have gone wrong, and for owning your part in it. Remember that nobody is perfect, and the only person you can be responsible for is yourself. Be your own best line-manager. We all know that encouragement and support work far better than shame and humiliation. Be the most loving self-advocate you can be.
And, grant some grace to those around you. They’re caught in a toxic culture too. Perhaps they want the same as you, or are fighting their own demons. This doesn’t mean you have to let unacceptable work practices lie - it’s definitely the courageous and right move to challenge them. But coming from a place of ‘I’ve experienced this, have you too?’ is a far more loving, and successful, approach than going into battle.
So there you go four ways to develop real resilience as a leader.
I’ve got your back
Whether you feel like it’s your own ‘stuff’ that you want to work on, or whether you want to bring on the resolution, I’ve got your back! (And, usually, there’s a bit of both in there for all of us!). If you’d like to explore REAL resilience a bit deeper I provide thought partnership, mentoring and allyship to women in corporate leadership roles. What does that look like? You get to tailor it to you. It might be an hour each month. It might be a deeper dive each quarter. It might be 30 minutes a week.
You know your needs and schedule. I know I can help you make sense of where you are and come up with a plan to move forward. Let’s do it together! Book in a free 20 minute call here.