You can’t write it wrong? Really?
I’d forgotten how to write. Who knew that was even possible?! But in the corporate world of work, I got stuck. I got stuck with how to speak, write and even ‘be’. In this blog I share my ‘transition back from corporate-me, to being ‘me’ again. And it all starts with letting go of imposter syndrome, but I had to find that out for myself...
Who am I to write anything?
As you probably know from your own career, there’s a whole new language you learn when you’re in a corporate setting. It seeps into your bloodstream and becomes normal. And when you start working with ordinary people, they kinda look funny at you when you talk about ‘preferred suppliers’, or ‘RAG ratings’.
When I left, and started working for myself, writing a social media post terrified me. What was I allowed to say? What sounded professional? How would people know I knew what I was talking about? I have written oodles of board papers, policies, training materials and emails yet I froze at the mere thought of writing a blog. Who am I to do that?
What was stopping me?
I’d forgotten how to write authentically, from the heart, with emotion, passion, and compassion. Don’t get me wrong, I can do all that in abundance and with ease when I am face to face talking to someone. So what was stopping me doing it with keyboard and screen?
Me: I was. I had told myself I couldn’t. That it wasn’t good enough. As well as being a whole different language to my corporate world, I’d grown to hate board papers. I’d spend ages writing them, and then they had a 5-minute discussion at best, or it was deferred to the next meeting. I was so demoralised that my work was never given the air space.
I internalised the message that my writing was worthless. A real reminder that our histories impact on our present day in all sorts of ways.
What changed?
I sought help. A fellow coach introduced me to the amazing Gayle Johnson who has become my writing mentor and ghostwriter for my blogs. This helped me in two main ways:
Firstly, I now had a thinking and writing partner. Gayle was there to capture my ideas, what I wanted to share, my ‘me-ness’ and turn it into something that sounded like me on the page. It really feels like a collaboration. And it saves me all sorts of time!
Secondly, I became part of her writing community ‘Wordspill’ (what a fab name – it had my interested hooked straight away!). Wordspill doesn’t ‘teach’ anything about writing for business, or writing stories, or how to write anything. In fact, the mantra is ‘you can’t write it wrong’. And I knew I’d found my writing home. This was where I was going to learn to write as me again - without being taught anything.
My TED talk
Each week in Wordspill Gayle shares some writing prompts: a topic with some bullet points to help you get started so you’re not overwhelmed by the blank page. They can be about anything, from sheds to self-love. Last month she asked us to sketch out a TED Talk about something that was important to us.
I’d already planned a blog on imposter syndrome in female leaders and how we can get lost in the ‘I’m not good enough’ cycle of comparing ourselves to others, or seeing low performance due to low resources as a competence issue. All of these very common behaviours impact our self-belief, self-worth and before you know it, we’re doubting ourselves and are we good enough. This was something I’d love to be on stage talking about.
Then it hit me.
I had imposter syndrome when it came to writing and promoting myself online. I was so conditioned to ‘corporate speak’ that I had stopped writing for enjoyment. It wasn’t always like that: I have a box full of journals I’ve written over the years and a couple of book ideas that I’ve started.
So, let's unpick how I got here. I have imposter syndrome when it comes to be authentic and showing up online, doubting my words and what you think of them. If my client was telling me this, I would want to know more, get to the root cause of those feelings. So, I dug a little deeper with myself. Psychology tells us that imposter syndrome is deep-rooted, often based in cultural beliefs or childhood memories.
I have a track record of failing exams by 1% (sooo annoying!). I know my stuff, but I struggle to get my arguments in a logical order for the reader, or I miss the ‘so what’ or the conclusion of the argument. With a history of failure behind me, of course I believed I can’t write a blog. Or write anything for ‘real people’.
I’d come to this amazing self-realisation actually through writing! How ironic is that?
How we talk to ourselves matters, the language we use, or the language spoken to us throughout our lives conditions us and our beliefs. To reframe my blog writing beliefs, I am a work in progress and I will continue to work with Gayle until I feel confident to fly solo.
And I will happily embrace all opportunities to write, knowing I ‘can’t write it wrong’ so I can carry on reconnecting with myself. If this is the sort of thing you’d like in your life too, you can find out more about Wordspill here.
How has your work history impacted on your self-belief?
Our brains are fantastically complex. It took me time, reflection, coaching and writing to realise how much my school history and my corporate history impacted on my imposter syndrome and were holding me back. This is powerful work, and it’s not always something you can do alone.
If you need a coach to help you understand your imposter syndrome and how to work through it, I’d love to partner with you! Just get in touch for a free 15-minute chat.